How NaMo Bhakts Think NaMo Will Rule India

"Nothing in the world is more dangerous than sincere ignorance and conscientious stupidity." - Martin Luther King, Jr.

The most ubiquitous thing in the Indian social media space today is the NaMo Bhakt. They are present everywhere, so much so that if Indian general election is done exclusively online, then NaMo will win hands down; not only will the BJP under him get to the magic mark of 272, they may even get 543 out of 543 Lok Sabha seats. These bhakts give unwavering support to NaMo and they all hope with all their heart that he will become the Prime Minister of India and will rule India and will bring prosperity to the nation in such a way that India will become a super power in the next five years time. These bhakts are generally abusive of those who criticise NaMo and think that those who oppose NaMo are traitors, with hardly any patriotism and are therefore prospective candidates for sedition charges to be imposed on. They were hardcore Rahul Gandhi haters until Arvind Kejriwal came up meticulously propping up facts about Gujarat’s flawed development model, when they sincerely transferred their hatred to the latter gentleman.  It is always good fun to keep following these bhakts and indulging in conversations with them. They all invariably keep similar sentiments on the subject of how NaMo will rule India. The following is how the NaMo bhakts think he will do it.

First of all the hyper patriotic bhakts (oh yes they think so) believe that NaMo will order an attack against Pakistan and will wage war against it if ever that country again attacks Indian jawans at the Indo-Pak border. No need to consider any other factors including the strategic issues associated with such an attack, the bhakts think NaMo will teach that country a ‘lesson’ if it ever shows the audacity to attack Indian jawans.

The bhakths also think that NaMo, being a lionhearted, patriotic Indian, will bomb China if it ever shows the belligerence to claim as their own any of India’s territory in the east. No such incursions from the big, powerful neighbour will be tolerated. Military might of the enemy, where China’s military strength is far more superior than India’s, will not be an issue as long as you have the courage to sabotage enemy intentions, bhakts think. They also think that timidity of those who ruled India until now is the main reason why a country like China keeps on claiming territories of India as their own and when the brave NaMo rules India, any country that shows the impudence of claiming any part of India as their own will rue their rashness.

Once NaMo becomes the Prime Minister, corruption would become a thing of the past in India. It was he, who was in the forefront of the crusade against the corrupt Congress, these bhakts tell us. NaMo’s party, their ideological mentor RSS, and above all, the bhakts will give him all the support required to make this happen. You know, he has already made arrangements to figure out the intricacies of the internal workings of corruption with the re-induction of two of the corruption tainted leaders in Karnataka. They will give NaMo an in-depth knowledge about how corruption works, which is needed to entirely wipe out the menace.

NaMo and his bhakts have been vociferously asking the UPA government to bring back money stashed away in Swiss banks by many politicians of India (read Congress politicians). The bhakts think that NaMo is serious about his intentions of bringing back the money to India. They believe that within one year, maximum two years, NaMo will bring all that money back to India. Anyways he already has the services of Dr. Subramaniam Swamy at his disposal, who incidentally knows more details about Indian politicians holding covert accounts in Swiss banks than those banks themselves. Therefore bringing back the money is quite easy these bhakts think; only what was missing was a brave heart to do that, which NaMo has.

The bhakts think that the Indian legal system should just hang all those convicts who are under death row. They think there is no need to follow what the ‘cowards’ call "due legal process". Just hang them all, is what they call for and they think NaMo will do that, because he is decisive (did I say ‘divisive’?). They think that all those human rights activists in India who call for abolition of death penalty are ‘traitors’ and the international human rights organisations that call for it, ‘foreign agents’ involved in espionage and possible sabotage in India.

NaMo-bhakts also think that Maoist insurgents in the red corridor in India are at best ‘armed nuisance’, nothing more than that and the reason why they still run amok in various parts of the country is because of lack of political will of those who governed India. What one needs to have is that strength of mind, which NaMo has and so he will just order the armed forces in the country to ambush the Maoists and they will be exterminated with ease. 

Terrorists should be shot at sight is what the bhakts think and they show the incident that happened in Gujarat as an example, where three alleged terrorists were encountered by Ahmedabad Police Crime Branch. Again, due legal process, is nothing but humbug for the bhakts and this is how all terrorists must be treated, only then can our nation become strong and safe and the only man who can do this is NaMo, the bhakts say.

The best thing that will happen to Indians, particularly the middle class, if NaMo comes to rule India is that we will no longer be made to pay that little annoyance of a tax called the ‘income tax’. NaMo’s Finance Minister-to-be Dr. Subramaniam Swamy has already explained his idea of a no income tax regime for India. Though it has been stalled for now, the bhakts think that Dr. Swamy will re-invent the idea at the behest of NaMo and that economic blessing will be showered on the Indians once NaMo becomes the PM, sooner rather than later. Now, that is a revolutionary idea from the ‘visionary’ NaMo, the bhakts believe.

Once NaMo starts ruling India, the world will know that the country has a strong PM. Then it is important to strengthen the nation further and the bhakts have no doubt that NaMo will take the right steps towards it. The most important thing to do then would be to increase the defence spending of the country so that we have the latest arms and ammunitions with us. We need to acquire more fighter jets, more nuclear war heads and more robust submarines, so that we have the strongest armed forces in the world. It may lead to lesser social spending on subjects like education and health; but who needs education and health when you have the strongest army in the world, the bhakts boast.

The bhakts ask other, “haven’t you seen the roads and highways of Gujarat?” and then shows that photo of some city in South Korea made famous by the online bhakts, with writings in Korean language in many places. The bhakts are generally quite innocent you know, and hence they believe such things instantly and so they will tell you that once NaMo becomes the PM of India all roads in the country will look like that in the photo of the Korean city, which the bhakt believes is that of some road in Gujarat. 

When NaMo becomes PM, the markets will rise with hope and investment from abroad will rush into India. When BJP governments came in many states in the recently conducted state elections in India, the Sensex soared and the bhakts show this as evidence that India’s economic condition will brighten up once NaMo becomes PM. They say that rupee will appreciate against dollar and will touch even Rs. 40 per dollar once NaMo becomes PM.  Nancy Powell has already come to meet NaMo and the bhakts believe that the day is not far off when Obama himself come to meet NaMo. It’s not that the bhakts need American approval for NaMo, but one can never reject if Obama appreciates NaMo, isn’t it?

All in all the bhakts think that once NaMo becomes the PM and rules India, to quote Malayalam script writer Sreenivasan’s famous dialogue, “dollar kunnukoodum, vyavasayashalakal uyarum, 5 varsham kondu nammude rajyam oru harithaswarga bhoomi aayi maarum”, which could be roughly translated as, “dollar will come in great numbers, industries will come up, within 5 years our country will become the greenest and wealthiest country in the world”. Many of us non-bhakts may think that these expectations of the NaMo-bhakts have ridiculously unsound logic, but haven’t these bhakts already Modi-fied conventional logic?